You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
