and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
