Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
