Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
