I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
