GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
