i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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