So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
