I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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