i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
