Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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