The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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