yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
