a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
