i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
