If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
