Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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