you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
