Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
