i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
