I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i will never coherently bang her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
