And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
