I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
