You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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