I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
