When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
