Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
