After last night, I could never be a politician.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
