..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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