I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
