I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
