is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
