I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
