And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
