Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
