is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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