turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
