Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize