susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
