i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he fucked my hip out of place.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
