It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
