So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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