i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
