Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the condom got lost in my hair
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
