I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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