For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
