I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
