I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
