just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize