i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
