i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
