Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
