i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
