Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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