I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
