And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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