That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
