So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
