It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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