im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
