i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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