Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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