So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
