I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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