I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
