FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
