She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
