I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
