I'm pants shitting drunk right now
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
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I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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