Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
